she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
not ubering you a puppy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
