I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
