Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
