This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
