my sisters under your porch take her home
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
