Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize