Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
