p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
