just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
