My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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