WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
