when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You have to summon your inner elephant
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
