The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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