apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
