gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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