Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
