One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
