I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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