How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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