the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
