the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
