first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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