I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
