it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
