"it" just moved
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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