I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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