Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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