I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
