We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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