erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the condom got lost in my hair
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
third nipple confirmed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize