Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
