there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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