Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
