she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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