Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
