I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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