it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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