Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
