I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
