he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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