If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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