I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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