I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
