I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
