people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
