we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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