Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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