fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
