My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
