I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
