So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
