She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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