so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
