from now on my penis is your penis
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
