i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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