I wanna passion pit in your ass
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
