You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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