so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm passing your future prison.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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