Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
we should paint friendship bongs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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