All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
