My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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