you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
