Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
