he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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