I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize