I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
