The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
