My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
