Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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