Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
