omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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