Porn is love you can see.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
