My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize