we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
