I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
